I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
