So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
