Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
