I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
