Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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