am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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