so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
