I wish my penis had an off switch
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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