So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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