well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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