we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
