Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
