I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
