yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
