i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
