Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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