i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
