My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
