Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
this hospital has no fireball
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
