Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
