I smell stomach acid.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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