Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
