that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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