If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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