i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
