I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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