i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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