Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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