First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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