the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
