Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
