My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
