He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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