Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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