I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize