Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
