butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
