I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
