I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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