stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
