One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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