the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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