I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
