Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
