You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize