Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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