Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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