so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
