is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize