I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
