after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
pray to the hookup gods
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
