Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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