New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
