Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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