I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
