Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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