Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
