If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dear god my vagina.
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