paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
