it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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