you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
