i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
