This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Porn is love you can see.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
