You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
