Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
