I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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