I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
