My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
