Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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