I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
