just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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