I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
