In the future we'll all be gay
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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