I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
