Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
