I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
