I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
