Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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