My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
